Saturday, July 13, 2013

Deep Thoughts~

Hey Friends! Long time no see. Just a warning this is going to be a wordy contemplative post. I don't usually go into things like this on the blog but here it goes... My abscence the past few weeks has been because of 2 things- 

1. It's summer time and we have been out and about at the pool, bowling, horse back riding lessons and other summer activities.

2. I've been in a total funk. 

I have had no motivation whatsoever to work on a project or anything. I have things in mind that I would like to do but the will and drive is not there like it used to be. I have been contemplating what this lack of desire could be stemming from and one thing I have been missing is design. Real design like I used to do before we moved to Nowheresville, OK. 

I used to go to job sites, meet with clients, space plan, work through problems and solve them. The icing on the cake after all that work was choosing finishes and furniture for the space. I loved what I was doing- it wasn't a job to me it was fun, it was a passion, I really enjoyed doing it.

I've feel tried almost every outlet and resource I can think of to get back in the workforce but where we live is not conducive to designers at all. I've tried working for the few homebuilders  here but with the lagging economy no one has a budget to hire an extra person. They also have each have their resident space planner and are wary of hiring a military spouse because they know I could move at any time. 

There is one woman who has her own shop in town who sells furniture and does residential design. Again I have approached her and it's the same story. She's been on her own for years and doesn't feel the need to hire anyone new and budgets are tight. (And I suppose it doesn't help that I have little experience in the residential arena- all my work has been commercial spaces)

Then comes the question people always ask me- "Why don't you design houses on your own?" Again I have thought long and hard about this. We have no resources nearby to help in this venture (furniture, tile, carpet suppliers ect.) everything I do would have to be sourced online. I would be starting out in something somewhat unfamiliar to me- like I mentioned before I have hardly any residential experience. And with the possibility looming of moving at anytime- I have not explored this option. 

And a big part- not going to lie- is fear. Fear of failure, of not succeeding. What if no one hires me? What if they do and I totally suck at it?

I have also been afraid that when we do finally move to a new city I have been out of work for so long it will be even harder to find a job.

And did I mention the guilt? I know there are many women out there who would love to be home with their children as opposed to working. And here I am with that opportunity and I'm not completely happy with it? Isnt there A happy medium I could find? On a lighter note I have, in the last week had some good news. An office furniture dealer in town is taking a chance on having me work once or twice a week for him. It's new for him because like everyone else around here he has been working on his own and has never had a designer work for him. It's similar work to what I did just out of college- helping people space plan furniture for their office. It's a lot of sales which is not my favorite but I'm grateful for the opportunity and am taking what I can get.

Maybe because of this recent opportunity or just an urge to get motivated again has left me wanting more. I'm tired of making excuses and have decided to create my own opportunities. It may be totally nerdy but I'm going to start working on client projects that I create myself. I'm going to choose a space and plan it, do the documents, and the design. I feel like this will not only give me some much needed practice and get my brain working again, but will also give me a little taste of what I have been missing.  I'm also hoping that by doing this will give me a fresh portfolio for future opportunities.

Thank you for listening to my continuous rambling and pity partying- I'm hoping to have something more cheerful and interesting for you to read next time!


Courtney said...

It's so easy to get in our own way, isn't it? I only saw this recently somewhere (possibly Instagram!) that fear stands for - False Evidence Appearing Real now that just puts it into perspective doesn't it?! We sabotage ourselves before we even start anything because of fear, when really we've just made it all up in our minds because perhaps somewhere deep down we think we don't deserve success.
But we all deserve it!! We just need to start believing in ourselves and who knows what we can achieve!!
Go for it Rachelle, you can do it!! Xx